N is for Nature Walk

There are a few things that I'm not overly fussed on. One of those is tripe--nasty stuff, smells bad, tastes worse, enough said. Another is warm champagne--no need to explain that one, it's a sin. But the one thing I think is vastly over-rated, and guaranteed not to make my heart jump, is nature. I can't stand nature, give me a five-star hotel any day of the week. Oh, it's a stunning sunset, I hear you say. But so is the new David Jones cosmetic section. Are those bird calls I hear? I'd rather listen to city traffic at 8am in the middle of the week.

So it was with a distinct lack of enthusiasm that I greeted EGG's proposal to go Nature Walking for our Alphabet Weekend. I'll cut him some slack here though, because it is a really hard letter, and I said he couldn't do his original choice which was n is for nothing.

I can't tell you how excited I was the night before our walk when it absolutely pelted rain. But of course it dawned a beautiful day and there was no escape for me. So off we went to Mt Glorious--oh joy.

Of course the first thing that greeted us was the sound of birds. Now I have a pathological hatred and fear of birds. I think they are going to attack me and peck me. A bit silly you may think, but this has actually happened to me. It was a vicious rainbow lorrikeet that gored me--it was about the size of a turkey (I may be exaggerating--slightly). It flew in through an open window, headed straight for me and got tangled up in my hair. Then (and this is true) it pecked me on the ear. It was truly terrible.

Of course, as luck would have it, that weekend they screened the movie The Birds, where poor Tippi Hedren got attacked by vicious birds (I know they looked as realistic as the shark in Jaws, but there was no reasoning with me). I knew just how poor Tippi felt and my relationship with all bird-like creatures was forever ruined.

EGG distracted me from the impending marauding birds by telling me to be careful on the muddy track. He had good reason for this because once I fell down a mountain. Are the pieces falling into place now as to why I hate nature? Actually it was a ravine, but as I fell all five metres, it certainly felt like a mountain to me. Fortunately only my pride was hurt, but I wasn't taking any chances this time.

So I tread my way carefully up the path as we headed to Greenes Falls. I tried really hard to appreciate nature. I pointed out that the bush turkey nest looked just like SSS's bedroom. EGG helped by pointing out that the area looked just like the place in Wolf Creek where the backpackers were murdered. Nature--bring it on.

We eventually arrived at Greenes Falls and frankly I felt a bit dudded. It was a pathetic little waterfall, but that didn't stop the professional bushwalkers (and I don't mean EGG and I) from revelling in it. They were literally sitting in the waterfall--with cups of coffee and trail mix, you know that chocolate and dried fruit stuff that keeps you going for hours and hours when you are a bushwalking pro even though it only took 30 minutes to get there.

The bushwalkers had backpacks and really serious boots with thick socks bunched up around the top of them. Actually I wish I had some of those boots because I was worried about getting mud on my runners which I wanted to wear them to the gym the next day.

EGG and I took a photo of each other and left the professionals to enjoy the sad waterfall.

All in all it wasn't a bad little outing. It hasn't made me appreciate nature any more, but as we moved to the car park I noticed a group of people that had been there an hour before we set off on our walk still examining the foliage of the same tree.

Now that would have been really boring.

N is for nature.

M is for Meditation

I'm a bit keen on all things based on middle eastern philosophies. Love yoga(I can stand on my head--showing off, I know), briefly subscribed to feng shui (I'm still looking for my wealth corner) and have given tai chi a whirl, but never meditation. EGG on the other hand subscribes to the philosophy of scotch and tv.
I'll just go to sleep he said when I told he what we were doing--he'd had a long week. Well he was in for a surprise wasn't he!

I had a few pre-conceived ideas about meditation--all wrong as it turns out. What do you think of when you think of meditation? Dimmed lighting, a lot of people sitting cross-legged saying ommm, a sense of serenity?

Well we must have gone to a different meditation because this one was in a concrete hall, smack in the middle of one of Brisbane's busiest suburbs. There was Indian music, rows of plastic chairs, a photo of an Indian woman with a huge bindi and a TV. What's this TV all about, I thought, don't they eschew the technological values of our consumer-driven society?

So we sat on the orange plastic chairs and waited to meditate. We waited a while because a man, who looked more like Barry from the hardware shop than a spiritual leader, welcomed us and started his spiel all the while staring directly at EGG who squirmed in his chair. Barry (let's call him that because he didn't introduce himself--perhaps politeness is not spiritual) must have thought EGG needed some special guidance because he didn't let EGG out of his sight range for the whole patter which must have lasted for at least 10 minutes.

Barry finished up with a pointed stare at EGG, who by this time was eying off the open door in hopes of a speedy escape. But then Mike, the computer programmer, well he looked like one and he didn't introduce himself either, got us started on meditation.

We had to close our eyes and hold our hand on various parts of our bodies while silently chanting to mother (whoever she was). The chants were so long and complicated that I forgot how they went and I started getting stressed --I don't think I'm very good at meditation. But finally I got into the swing of it, focussing on my thoughts all the while ignoring the police chase and car alarm that drifted in through the open door, when bang--it was over.

You may think time flew but no, we only got to meditate for five minute because we had to watch a video of the Indian lady who kept talking about Asmet. I later found out that she was talking about asthma, that's how much sense it made.

I tried to catch EGG's eye but he wouldn't look at me. Surely he didn't think I was trying to make him laugh. But then, bonus, it was time to meditate again and then Mike muttered something about workshops.

So we meditated happily until Mike walked up behind EGG and asked him what he could feel. Ummm, I've got tingling in my hands he said. Big liar, he felt nothing, he just said that so that Mike would leave him alone, I know him too well. But this is the good bit, Mike decided to workshop him. By this time I couldn't help myself so I peered throught half open eyes and looked at the shadow (should've been a spy). Mike was standing behind EGG flicking his wrists, making circles above his head and clicking his fingers like a puppet on broken strings for oh about, TEN minutes. EGG is so lucky. His aura must be as clean as whistle.

Then it was time to wake up. Mike and Barry asked us to stay back and discuss our experiences, but, by this time, EGG had hold of my hand and was dragging me to the door.

Do you think EGG might like to make this meditation a weekly thing?

M is for meditation---oommmm!