I had a wide variety of things to choose from for our S alphabet weekend. There was a Storey Bridge climb or a surf school, but the chicken heart in me (all that potential for falling) caved in to peer pressure from EGG and chose S is for for Sexpo.
And what an experience that turned out to be.
Sexpo conjures up darkened corners and silhouettes doing something your Auntie Nora would never dream of. Sexpo means an Amsterdam shop window right in the middle of Brisbane--or so you would think. Sorry to say but Sexpo was a bit desperate.
EGG thought he was in for a bumper day when he walked in a saw a topless woman, but let's just say that was as raunchy as it got. Me, I was going for the oh I'm so open-minded and there's nothing here that can shock me thing, and well, I didn't have to pretend because it was tame, tame, tame.
Sure there were little booths with lots of sex toys. There was a strip poker arena with fully clothed men looking desperately for someone to strip off other than the Freds sitting across the table from them. There was a big lineup for the Love Train, but as EGG and I make it a rule to never ever line up for anything, well that wasn't going to happen. There was also a lineup for meet the pornstar and even EGG scoffed at that. No one wants to talk to a porn star, they just want them to rip their gear off and get on what they're good at and that's sure not scintillating converstation.
There were lots of glass penises in display cases. Now this is where I am a bit confused. Are they for decoration? Do you polish them up with the Windex and leave them on display in the good china cabinet or do you actually use them because if you do you would need to be mighty careful. You could do yourself a lot of damage if you got carried away.
I was also amazed by the number of men with Sexpo showbags. Surely you are making yourself redundent boys if you trot home with that bag of goodies for the girls. (And ladies I would be very careful of that stuff, it's probably from China and you remember the lead paint scare.) Those boys who didn't have goodie bags had blow up doll girl friends with little puckered mouths (and probably puckered up other bits). Saddest show of the day however was the man wondering around with the inflatable pig. Now that's how to win on to the girl of your dreams, pull out your pig.
There was a fashion show however and lovely little items on display that came in sizes 8 to 24 (yes the Britney school girl outfit comes in size 24).
So we did the rounds of Sexpo twice thinking it would get better, but it didn't. The best bit of all was Pricasso who painted portraits (and they were very good) with his penis dipped into a palette. Oh the poor man must have some calluses--and the clean up. Did he have to use turps on it? Oh the pain of art.
I was sick of it all by then and redeemed the day by finding a nearby cocktail bar--a fitting way to end the day.
S is for Sexpo.
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